Wednesday, September 29, 2010

The Perils of Plastic Ta Ta's

That is a photo of the new model for Lelith Hesperax .  Already my title is a little off, as she will be in metal, but whatever.

I was reading through the Dark Eldar rumors thread on Dakka, and there was a massive argument that developed with people either upset by or claiming their right to fawn over the boobage/anatomy of little miniatures.  Furthermore, some people were complaining about the fact that the new Dark Eldar models didn't have enough boobage.

People ....



We're a hobby plagued by stereotypes and social norm violations of epic proportions.  People who don't wash properly, who don't wear deodorant (or take back-up deodorant with them to the damned tournaments they attend), people who basically fantasize to little toy soldier boobs, etc.

There is absolutely no reason for perversion, poor hygiene, etc. to have a more rightful place in OUR hobby than anywhere else.  Now, hey, who am I to judge what others should or shouldn't do ... I know, maybe I'm being judgmental.  But ... seriously.  Seriously you guys, seriously.

Furthermore, none of this bullshit "oh I'm just respecting and admiring the female form you got a problem with that?!?!?!" ... you're not admiring the female form.  You're admiring a lump of plastic or metal, molded from a cast that was created from a lump of modeling material carved out by some dude, and/or by some dude working on CAD.

This is actually worse than playing with your sister's naked barbie dolls.  Stop complaining about them not being feminine or booby enough; stop admiring that you think they ARE feminine/booby enough.  If you'd like, I'd be happy to spend some time talking about how to go to a bar, strike up a conversation, and end the night admiring some REAL tatas (or at least some silicone ones).

In relation to this, make sure you shower and put on deodorant first.  Oh, and shave your neck.  At least.

PS - In other news, the new Dark Eldar rules and models are pretty rocking.  Yay new codices!


  1. I'm happy that GW added some more female models to the 40k range. Mostly because it adds some variety to the game. I've gotten tired of seeing bald guys in power armor and grotesque monsters.

    Though I think we should all be grown ups about it.

  2. As an avowed fan of boobies I'm going to go out on a limb here and disagree, but on an artistic basis, not a prurient one.

    Your stance assumes a lurid frame of mind for the people arguing this dark eldar-boobies thing. While I'm sure some folks out there share your mindset about looking at them as some kind of naked Barbie (you are a sick fuck, you know that)fetish, I expect the truth is actually artistic in nature.

    You mention they are made from lumps of putty or clay or CAD. Jump clay up a little to marble and so are all the great sculptures of Michelangelo and the other great artists. So too are all the old claymation figures. Not all art is bourgerois statues, after all.

    People pay a lot for these minis. A lot of them also have a lot invested mentally, as they have incorporated all the fanfic and backstory into their thoughts of their armies. People will have to spend great amounts of time painting and/or converting their minis before their army is complete.

    So if they want their minis to look a certain way, that's fine. Maybe a DE mini with small "boobs" seems androgynous to them and does not fit their take on "proper" appearance.

    I can imagine a lot of people have had trouble over the years trying to explain all that chaos Slaaneshi she-male theming to parents or spouses or (even worse) girlfriends. Life is a lot simpler when things don't look --too-- controversial. Given that the model in the photo above is wearing those Slannesh-style chaps/legging things it's not too far a stretch to think they might tip over into the uncomfortable representation of sexually amorphous yet obvious appearance that can lead to you having to feel like a freak while painting and playing with (yeah, you saw that coming) your favorite army.

    It's not unique to the DE players to get up in arms over appearances. I remember some fans of different Warhammer armies over the years that howled at new releases.

    Personally, from a fan-fiction point of view, I think all dark eldar should be hideous. These guys are all about pain and torture. There shouldn't be any veterans of a thousand nights at the Yum Yum Pain Emporium that have smooth, creamy skin or un-smashed features. But hey, it's GW's universe, not mine.

    So, boobies on minis. My take? Don't make me embarassed to paint my minis, please. I take enough ribbing from my wife already about the "man dollies." RuPaul and the cast of "The Bircage" coming along for the ride? I'll pass, thanks. Also, minis are, as the name implies, small. They need features emphasised for clarity sometimes. Catachans come to mind. Same with the eldar and their big, funky helmets.

    For an alternate view, I leave you with this finely-crafted link. Enjoy! (no nudity, it's a flash comic)

  3. I do enjoy the Rambo-esque nature of my Catachans. Fits quite nicely in with Straken's furious charge. THEY HAVE BIG MUSCLES B/C THEY'RE ANGRY.

    Something of a touche, Joe, but check out the convos on the subject here and there ... artistic appreciation by nature goes beyond the sexual; random e-nerds of epic proportions masturbating to little toy soldiers and talking about how hot and sexy their boobs are (or aren't) while drooling? YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.

  4. I'm not going to go read that stuff. I was just playing at being devil's advocate, since it is a topic with such devilish possibilities.

    Now go back to playing with your beefcake Catachan dolls ;-)

  5. I think the Lilith model is just fine. She's SUPPOSED to be a fit, lithe, badass.

    I ran Cross Country in High school, and went to several CC meets in college. I recall many of the lithe, fit runners toting Double D's.

    I've complained a bit, and heard women complain about Sisters of Battle expressing too much boobage. I think I agree there as well.

    There again, I highly doubt it was a female doing the modelling. I'd suspect the models in the past were done with a specific demographic in mind: lonely males.

    Many of whom need to get out and interact with real women. ones without silicone. ones not on the intarwebz.

  6. You know what? At least it looks like a girl, and not a man with boobs slapped on. I could care less about the sexy clothing, as long as I don't have to spend time thinking how weird her body looks.

    I don't think anyone in this day and age is fantasizing/masturbating over these minis. Especially if they're posting, since then they obviously have an innanet connection. There are some people, however, who want a "sexy" look to their models, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I think those people are just bad at communicating that desire, so it comes across as LOL BEWBS++

  7. I'm solidly in the middle. As a female, it is nice to see a model (or two) that isn't physically improbable in the chesticle department. I appreciate a nod to the more "real" look -and- I find these models VERY pretty.

    However, when every other word I hear about them is "sexy"; I do wonder about the guy behind the screen.

    Appreciate them because they're gorgeous yes, but be an adult about it.

  8. Being an old, cranky, man my opinion is...

    I like the model becasue it looks good not because it is anotomically correct/incorrect.

    I'm in the "grow up" camp. Which really means I'm a hypocrit becasue I play with plastic toy soldiers.

    Someone else can play the role of the perfect person,


  9. I think the point you are missing is that she is more than a pair of breasts. Oh and she has the correct proportions in the body and shoulders. In short she looks like a female - and a pretty mean female at that.

    The breasts thing is relevant, if you consider this model - created with CAD - and for instance the Wood Elf casters, or Sisters of Battle - created without CAD (I suspect) - in which the figure is peering out from behind a sea of bosom.



    Yes, yes, a thousand times yes.

    My only two complaints about her is: the old model was still cool, so there is no need for her, and she's barefoot. Who goes to war with no shoes?

  11. I shave my neck, shower and put on deoderant for women.. not some fat fuck standing a comfy 4 feet away from me. :p

  12. Heheh,..

    Go over to Cool Mini or Not and look at all the disproportionate 8 - 9 ratings of even the most mediocre painted female models, then you'll understand the dynamic.

  13. Oh! I almost forgot...

    Off topic and aimed at Mike from another forum.


    Have a nice day!


  14. All things considered, it's a fine, if overpriceed, model. GW has a difficult, thin line to walk with this and their Slaanesh lines, considering the range has to be PG enough to sell in gaming stores. There's nothing wrong with evil, slinky characters in evil slinky armor. There IS something wrong with people who get off on such things.

    Also, I agree with that other dude; who the hell goes into battle not wearing any shoes? The 40k universe is too full of spikes not to.

  15. I would assume the sculptor has a foot fetish...who the hell knows, she may have been designed by Quinton Tarantino. She sort of looks like Uma Thurman gone BDSM. We all know how much of a freak he is for her tootsies.

    The bare foot thing seems in place for her character. Aren’t Sleenesh worshippers all into that “pleasure and pain" thing anyway? My guess is she gets off on any discomfort she would derive from walking a battlefield sans the stilettos.

  16. You guys are too funny. A post Mike mebbe spent five minutes on and it has nearly 20 replies.

    I find your boobie denials unconvincing due to the desperate roaring you are producing ;-)

  17. Funny, if the model isn't acurate to a person's taste I figured they would 'green' stuff implants.

  18. The topic that nobody has dared delve into so far is that of character transfer between the model and its' owner. Let's not forget that a large part of this hobby's charm is *becoming* the models we build and paint - at least to some degree. This is why the citadel model line up is filled with strong, intelligent men (father figures and other heroes of our subconcious).

    This theory crosses a weird line when we imagine ourselves becoming females since, inevitably we all subscribe to mental image of what our projected female body would like. Part of the male attraction (and fear) of females comes from their beauty and part of this perceived beauty is shapeliness (a rounded figure which breasts play a large part in).

    While this mind-game is fantastic (in the literal sense) it is not sexual. What you have is an incongruence between what we would like to look like as females and how the model is designed.

    And before anyone jumps at the chance to feel uncomfortable at the homosexuality of this theory please note that it stands true for Orks, Tyrranids and any other model. Each one is an extension of our personality. Over time as our hobby skills increase this representation of our inner self becomes more and more accurate relying less on the presence or absence of original parts (boobs) to accomplish a sense of familiarity and relation between the model and the painter.

  19. Jeez when did I become such a DORK?!

    I'm gonna go play football or something.

  20. cosplay has meaningful content now !

  21. So Atrotos...

    What you're saying is that a guy that spent years playing bugs and orks would eventually develop the personality of a psychotic insect?

    Just, y'know, hypothetically?

    (Whistles innocently)

  22. 1. There is nothing wrong with being appreciative of female beauty. There is something wrong with insisting that every woman ever portrayed anywhere needs to match your ideal of female beauty. WH40K figures are not necessarily going to look "realistic" (I mean, seriously, look at how a Marine would have to be proportioned to fit under their armor), but when you put forward sexuality as the sole standard by which female minis are judged, you are saying something about yourself and your hobby.

    2. Dear lord GW could stand to make some female minis for armies, yes. There are, what, four female sculpts for the Guard (nominally a pan-gender force), and three of them are limited edition/only available as part of a specialized unit, and the other one is a unique trooper randomly available? That's bullshit. Likewise Eldar (although they have a few female Guardians, I think?) and some of the Inquisitorial forces. Seriously, how hard would it be to make a few female heads and throw them on the Cadian sprues? (Protip: telling a dude from a chick when they're in body armor is basically impossible.) Totally with MVB on this one.

    3. Even if people aren't literally jacking off to these figures, it's indicative of our culture that you can't have a woman portrayed as competent unless she is also sexy (viz Laura Croft, Samus, Raver Taim, every single comic book superhero, etc). These figures are far from unfeminine, and yet there is complaining that they "aren't feminine enough" because they aren't DD cups. Farmpunk is spot on here: this is a "realistic"-ish depiction of a woman, exaggerated a bit for heroic scale. If you need your female minis to have huge knockers, there IS something sexual there, no matter how much you want to deny it.